scariest.

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Happy Halloween everyone!

Tonight has been spent in my bed with some candy that my roomie got to give to kids (hey now, I’m a kid at heart) and loads of reading and paper writing. And watching Hocus Pocus over and over again because that’s the only movie ABCFamily feels like playing tonight, and it’s one of my favourites!

Here’s to hoping that all of you are successfully in the sugaryiest sugar high, and continue that through tomorrow when I know you’ll go and get Halloween candy at amazing discounts. (As my darlingest, mle puts it, “Tomorrow is the greatest “holiday” of all. Half-off Halloween candy. Celebrate.”)

Off to write more sections of my project proposal.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!

Bullying Prevention Month

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I don’t typically post about my activism on here, maybe because I’m narcissistic and I talk about myself all the time, maybe it’s because I avoid discussing the heartbreaking real-world things that exist.

However, I make this exception tonight.

Recently, over at SimpleMedicine, a post was made (by my sisterbear, I might add) that discussed Being Bullied. Read the article here.

October is National Bullying Prevention Month and so tonight I make an exception to talk about how important it is to let the people in your life know that you are there for them, no matter what.

I recently saw this short YouTube video from The Trevor Project featuring some of the counselors that answer the Suicide Prevention Line for LGBTQ youth. The stories they share are heartbreaking. Kids who are kicked out of their homes, ostracized by their friends and family, and feel a deep, uncontrollable self loathing for who they are.

The thing about this that hits home for me is that I know people who have gone through this. I know people my age and younger who struggle with their sense of self-worth because of what other people tell them they are, and that is simply heartbreaking. No one should ever feel like they shouldn’t live anymore because of other people’s prejudices. No one should have to feel like they are unloved, or unwanted, or unaccepted. But they do. And I know that. I am only one person, but I want those people in my life to know that they are loved, they are wanted, and they are, above all things, perfect the way that they are.

You are perfect the way that you are.

It gets better.

You are not alone.

Be proud of who you are.

You do not have to go through this alone.

The Trevor Project implores supporters/viewers to let the people in their lives know one thing: that they have someone to talk to. Always and unconditionally. The project they’ve launched is titled quite simply, Talk To Me. Their website lists Warning Signs and how you can help someone who is suicidal and feeling alone.

I have been blessed to have never gone through the things that many youth go through. My family is so important to me, and their support means everything — I can’t imagine going through life without that. I know many people who have also been blessed. I know many who haven’t been as lucky and struggle with it on a daily basis. It is important to me that those people, who are so beautiful, and smart, and funny, and have so many gifts, know that they have at least one person to talk to.

You always have a friend.

Consider reaching out to the people in your life who might be internally struggling and letting them know that they are not alone. That they have someone that they can come to. That their life is worth living.

Consider standing up to people who mistreat others for no other reason than unadulterated prejudice, bigotry, and hate. People who either don’t know, or don’t care about the damage they’re doing to another precious human life.

“Things will get easier, people’s minds will change,

and you should be alive to see it.”

love, B

bhum-tie

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or, Adventures in Grad School.

Other than talking about research topics, of which there are many, I haven’t said much about what an amazing experience grad school  has been so far. It’s easy to focus on the work, or sometimes the negative (sore, tired, too much work) and so I want to take this time to share, mostly in photos, how awesome my experience has been so far.

there are goldfish swimming across my desk. what isn’t awesome about that?

This is in no way, shape, or form a reason for me to not finish annotating sources tonight. It’s not. I swear.

First things first, however. In my life I’ve had a few nicknames. No more or less than anyone else, I’d say, but typically they’re pretty easy to deduce or to come up with. Some of those include: bhums, kabhums, k-a-bhumi, boomshakalaka, b, and ethel (but really only one person in the world is privy to that one).

Since beginning school I’ve acquired some new nicknames, and I’ve got to say that they might be the most creative I’ve had yet.

bhum-tie

blume sauce

Do either of these make any sense? No, not really. But I absolutely love them. The first came from k-dawg, and basically was just something that came out of his mouth and stuck. The second actually has a story.

On the second week of classes there was a meeting for all the first year students with one of the faculty members. She was really, really having trouble with my name, even after I repeated it thrice and gave the example of a cannon goes boom.

For the duration of the meeting she referred to me as “blum-ey.” After the meeting one of the girls in my class said that just to confuse this person for the rest of the semester she’d be referring to me as “blumes.” I don’t know when sauce got added on, but now it’s just funny. And weirdly catching on in the department.

So now we’re going to move on to the photo portion of this post.

some activities include getting things stuck in trees and then climbing on each other to get them down.

the most delicious pumpkin nutella muffins. I, apparently, have time to bake these days?

I also study! this is probably a third of the books I’ve checked out from the library

but girlfrannnn do grad students know how to have fun. yes, it’s a light up glass. yes, rupaul’s is on behind it. perfect evenings are perfect.

That concludes this edition of what’s been going on on my side of the world. I am so, so excited to see my family so soon. ESPECIALLY my sisterbears.

love, B

optical illusions

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Have you ever seen that episode of How I Met Your Mother where they display for each other all of their major flaws?  When each flaw is pointed out,  you hear the sound of glass shattering while the rest of the group realizes that Lily chews like a beast, Ted corrects everyone, Marshall sings everything that he does, Robin over uses the word “literally”, and Barney speaks in falsetto, uses catch phrases annoyingly, and spaces out when his friends are talking to him.

Have your illusions about someone ever been shattered? Did you actually hear glass shattering? Or at least metaphorically hear glass shattering? Perhaps you didn’t realize that it was shattered until a period of time after the fact? Anyone?

I think it’s about time for me to go watch the debate, but I’m interested in hearing about how other peoples illusions have been shattered.

love, b

remember with you.

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“This is how it works. I love the people in my life, and I do for my friends whatever they need me to do for them, again and again, as many times as is necessary. For example, in your case you always forgot who you are and how much you’re loved. So what I do for you as your friend is remind you who you are and tell you how much I love you. And this isn’t any kind of burden for me, because I love who you are very much. Every time I remind you, I get to remember with you, which is my pleasure.” — James Lecesne

I think of this often. When I think about this, I wonder about who I feel this for, who I have felt this for, and who I might feel this for. When I think about this, I think about who I don’t feel this for. And for who, I actually feel the opposite. It isn’t my pleasure to remind you of who you are, because you aren’t the kind of person with whom I enjoy remembering attributes.

I feel I should focus on the positive though, and that would be that there are a generous handful of people in my life for whom it is my pleasure to remember how wonderful they are and how much I love them. I would never mind having to remind those people that they are brave, and strong, and beautiful, and bright, and all of those things that they are, all on their own.

I imagine only those people that I think so highly of actually look at my blog, so to all of you, I love you.

love, B

birds

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It’s Wednesday and YOU KNOW what that means, don’t you? Nothing in particular, really. I just thought I’d ask if you knew about something that I didn’t.

thinking face.

Today I looked at the faces of my fellow grads and saw the following emotions: stress, panic, fml, delirium. So I came home and made brownies to take into the office tomorrow. (y’know cause that’s what I do.)

Anyway, that has nothing to do with birds, or flying, or anything even remotely related to birds. I’ll eventually get to that.

This week has been crazy busy, crazy stressful, and crazy crazy. Why? Because we’re at MID semester, can you believe I’m half way through one semester of grad school? That’s 1/8 of my graduate schooling for a Masters degree. And I haven’t broken anything, set anything on fire, OR failed any classes. Not too shabby!

Just today I was working on a research project about women’s bodies in dance, and so I was reading about the political female body. I learned that in the early ninties there was a “contraceptive implant” introduced to the market, and it was used as a sentencing tool to women found guilty of child abuse cases. So…um, a type of forced sterilization. Cool, America. Cool.

Anyway, so amidst this panicky state of crazy I’m still trying to have fun and explore this ridiculous city. Another grad suggested we go to “Birds,” which is apparently an oyster bar that has karaoke. Now, that’s right up my alley! But thinking about the name Birds makes me think of this song about birds shitting on your head and that just makes me laugh.

So imagine this. Me. Sitting in my grad cubicle laughing, alone. Cubicle-mate here definitely must think I’m nuts, cause he often walks in to the cubicle with me sitting on the desk/laughing hysterically/generally being weird. Anyway, back to birds. I was thinking about this song, and I listened to it a couple of times since I hadn’t heard it in a while, and it’s actually really weird. The guy arrives in town and the girl meets him at the train station and they get on the bus and he wants to express his feelings for her. This is what he says:

Birds can fly so high
and they can shit on your head,
yeah they can almost fly into your eye
and make you feel so scared,
but when you look at them,
and you see that they’re beautiful:
that’s how I feel about you.

Um, I’m beautiful at a distance but I could potentially shit on you. I’m going to go ahead and take that as a metaphorical thing, because then it can be  true. I know lots of people who have metaphorically shit on me and other people, and at a distance they seem great, and then that’s just not how the cookie crumbles.

crumbling cookie, get it? get it?

Needless to say, if I can get everything that needs to be done, done, I will definitely be up there singing tomorrow.

Maybe Birds.

Or, let’s be real, Celine, if they have it.

love, B

PS. I hope the grad school chat isn’t boring — I’m excited about everything going on here, so I want to sing about it!

Here’s a (albeit creepy) picture to make it all better.

HAPPY MONTH BEFORE THE ELECTION

(This is for my bebe who’s birthday is today,
you know who you are lady)

interpretation

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What follows may or may not be a post about the validity of interpretive dance and it’s representation of the female body in contemporary choreography. I’ll give you a hint: it’s not. I’m not blogging as a way to avoid writing a paper. Never.

I was watching an episode of The Office today and weeping because I had totally forgotten the complete and utter heartbreak I feel whenever I watch this episode because what follows this scene makes me giddy. And I choose to bask in the happiness.

In the season 2 episode, Casino Night, after losing a lot of money, but flirting with Pam all evening, Jim finally says to her, while standing in the parking lot, that he is in love with her. She denies him, even though she (as we all know) is enamored with him. Okay, not so bad. People get turned down all the time.

Then he says the one line that I think is the most heartbreaking moment written into the show.

I’m sorry I misinterpreted our friendship.

Seriously, I’m sitting in my grad office, tearing up because it breaks my heart. It hurts as much as it does because I’ve felt that way before: apologetic because I had misunderstood something that I thought I understood perfectly. Apologetic because I’m embarrassed.

It’s heartbreaking to think that you have this wonderfully playful, honest, open relationship with someone and it turns out that either you don’t, or they’re telling you that you don’t. I can’t get over the chills I feel when he walks away after apologizing. While his guilt is unjustified (why should he apologize for being a human with feelings?) it’s completely relatable. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t felt guilt or sadness for having feelings that are discarded, even though it’s not their fault that they feel. I, too, am mortal sometimes and do sometimes feel things, like being hurt, when realizing that I was completely wrong in thinking something about someone.

Jim, you’re not alone: check this out, you do get the girl.

And, by the way, I am sorry.

Love, b