It’s been almost three weeks since I last posted and I literally feel like three years have happened in that time. I don’t know what I’m here to write but I wanted to write something because it’s been so long.
I guess what’s on my mind on the eve of my birthday is how much stress is actually involved in my celebrating my birthday. That sounds nuts. I sound like a completely irrational wackadoodle. I know. But let me explain.
Giving is really easy for me. I mean, really easy. I’ll be bored and have glitter glue and spend a whole day crafting things for people for no reason. I’ll see a book in the store that someone I know might like and buy it. I don’t know why, but I like to give.
Unfortunately, on my own birthday, this sort of made up holiday, I must be on the receiving end. (Speaking of made up holidays, I very distinctly remember my favourite Nicore, on my birthday last year, saying something to the effect of, “We get gifts for being born. We live in a very self-indulgent culture, don’t we?”) Being on the receiving end is very difficult for me. I get worried about whether my reaction to things is underwhelming or overwhelming or if I don’t react the right way I’m going to upset people.
Ash said to me today, “You’re intellectualizing getting gifts, ya weirdo. Stop it.” And she’s completely right. I know that I need to let it go, and stop feeling pressured to respond a certain way, but it’s hard. So here, on the eve of this birthday, I’m still stressed enough to make 3 batches of s’mores.
(this is my life. these are my choices.)
Luckily, this year I have a very special partner-in-crime, J-dizzle. Jeff and I share a birthday, and though his stress/fear is related solely to age and not at all to intellectualizing gift-giving, at least I have a partner with whom to share attentions.
Ash also gave me the great suggestion to react the way that Buddy the Elf reacts to Santa coming to the North Pole for every single time that someone wishes me a happy birthday or gives me anything.
Look at 0:30 for the reference.
And on that note, I’m going to watch Elf before I go to bed.