take your time.

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I’m coming home. Rather, I’m already home. It’s the winter holiday and I’m home, knitting, drinking tea, reading books, doing nothing productive. AND YOU KNOW WHAT A WEIRDO I AM?! I just tried to make a list of things I could do to GET AHEAD next semester. Self, stop it, you’re a freak, so just stop it.

That being said, I thought I’d take a moment to share my reading list for this break, just in case you have a bit of free time as well!

  • The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera (again.)
  • The Lovers’ Dictionary by David Levithan (again.)
  • The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov
  • The Help by Kathryn Stockette
  • The Line of Beauty by Alan Hollinghurst (currently reading.)

Maybe I should find some happy books to read too…

 

looking for alaska

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“I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was hurricane.”

Eat, Pray, Love

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Today I went to see the movie Eat, Pray, Love with my mom. I’d been anticipating it since I saw Elizabeth Gilbert speak/read at College and was inspired by what an incredible, courageous woman she is. I finished reading the book again about a week and a half ago and I was desperately awaiting the day we could find a babysitter for a couple hours so we could go see the movie. Since I’m leaving tomorrow we decided to see it today. Also, I resent this film being called a chick-flick.

As the credits opened, I was already in awe. I fell in love with Liz Gilbert through Julia Roberts just as I had when I fell in love with her in the pages of her memoir. She’s beautiful, charismatic, and incredibly human. And the fact that she’s real and carries her faults so gracefully makes me wish I could be more like her. Instead of being ashamed that I have negative qualities, wear them on my sleeve and say Hey World – I have some shit going on right now but that’s JUST FINE. I’m gonna take care of it.

I always talk about this grand wedding that I want to have and I’ve said this on multiple occasions, I’m not sure if I want to be married (and I’ve equated this to my age) but I want to have a wedding – they’re just so fun. And I felt as though that’s what Liz was thinking. Does that mean I’m going to turn out like her? The prospect of marriage scares me enough without wondering if I’m going to leave a marriage because I feel stifled and unhappy. I’m not even married and I’m worrying about feeling stifled and unhappy. What the hell is wrong with me?

Where was I? There are so many qualities in Liz that I wish I had in myself, and then there are a few I do think are similar. I’m driven, I become easily obsessive about things, I’m spiritual. I aspire to be a world traveller, not be so afraid of things and go out and do things. But I’m afraid of failing.

For as long as I can remember I’ve been terrified of marriage. For years I said I wouldn’t mind having companionship but marriage? really? I don’t know about all that. A wedding, sure. No problem. But legal marriage. Uh. Let me get back to you on that. I’m just scared. Growing up marriage wasn’t really portrayed to me as some kind of be all, end all, glorious sunshine and butterflies kind of thing. And it worries me.

So as I watched Liz Gilbert, and even when I read, I wondered, is this going to be me in fifteen years. Am I going to feel like I want to slip quietly out the back door and run and not stop until I get to Greenland?

NO. I’m NOT. I don’t know what I want.

So even now, I have no answers. All I know is that I loved Eat, Pray, Love and I can’t wait to see it again. It was so beautiful.

stay, just a little bit longer?

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I went to the library today and after acquiring what I was searching for (See: shopgirl.) I was well on my way out of the library. My mom had barely put 30 minutes in the meter and the metermaids downtown are pretty…anal. All of a sudden something caught my eye. The shiny covers of the soundtrack rack of the CD section. I immediately came face to face with something I had to have.

The Dirty Dancing Soundtrack.

HALLELUJAH. Needless to say, this is the only thing I’ve been listening to and plan on listening to until it is due back to the library next Wednesday. I love this movie and the soundtrack is one of my favourites. Who can say no to “Time of My Life” and “Hungry Eyes”? I certainly cannot.

shopgirl.

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About a year ago I read the novella titled “Shopgirl” by Steve Martin. I was skeptical. Steve Martin, a writer, much less a good writer? I gave it a try anyway, the story intrigued me. I read it. Then I read it again. I wrote several characters off as having major flaws and I wasn’t sure if I should have – hence the reread. It was good but it wasn’t great. It was engaging but not necessarily gripping. I thought the story was lovely, although not incredibly written, it was still a beautiful story. It ends on a bittersweet note – she doesn’t get the guy, per say, but she gets a guy. I suppose that could soothe the hopeless romantic in me, and it did.

Last night, I finally saw the movie that was made out of the novella. Needless to say, I wish I hadn’t. I love Claire Danes – I really do. She’s fabulous. But the dialogue was ridiculous. Her character was nothing like I imagined from the novella and it really bothered me. What’s more, the narration was so corny that I almost turned the movie off. It was awkwardly placed, the tone was nostalgic but it was written in the present tense and Steve Martin did the voiceover but it was in third person so it was as though Steve was talking about his character, Ray and Mirabelle as though it was a third person omniscient narrator but it wasn’t. I’m confusing myself here. Finally, there were several long awkward pauses that could have used narration or perhaps thoughts from a character but were just silent, uncomfortable moments with shots on Mirabelle’s mom, or Mirabelle laying in bed, or Ray watching her walk away. Are you kidding?  I was just disappointed. Incredibly disappointed. I really looked forward to seeing this movie because I thought it’d be a beautiful rendition of this beautiful story but instead it was a melodramatic cop-out of a good film.

Now I’m going to the library to borrow the novella so I can read it again and see if I’ve romanticized the work to the point of destroying my perception of it, or if this film was just badly made.