john.

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Mayer, that is. John Mayer. Oh yes, him. So I have a sort of obsession with him. That’s not true, I think he’s kind of strange and from what I hear not really all that nice in person. Let me rephrase: I have a sort of obsession with John Mayer’s voice. If his disembodied voice could just follow me around all day I would have absolutely no issue with it.

I’ve been making dinner and listening to my “drive” playlist (whatever that means, because obviously I’m not driving at the moment) and I heard a line from one of his songs (Slow Dancing in a Burning Room) from the kitchen and just wanted to shout “YES!” He is spot on with his statements about human behavior.

I’ll make the most of all the sadness / You’ll be a bitch because you can / You try to hit me just to hurt me / So you leave me feeling dirty / Because you can’t understand.

The line “you’ll be a bitch because you can” is probably one of my favourite lines ever written in any song, poem, creative piece. I say that because every time I’ve ever been in an argument with someone I’ve thought of that line because one person (or both) will be a bitch just because they can. I do it too. I’m not pointing any fingers because I know I do it too. Whether it’s being a bitch through sarcasm or just plain meanness I know it’s happening.

I just love how those lyrics nail it on the head. Even the last part you leave me feeling dirty because you can’t understand is just perfect.

I highly recommend checking out the whole song, fact. I’ll even post it on the vod pod for you!

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vindicated

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I am captivated

I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I’m right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now
the things you swore you saw yourself

I listened to this song a few hours ago and now I feel like listening to it on repeat. This has no relevance to anything at all except that my biff wanted me to update.

Today was an okay day. It wasn’t half bad. Except the growth on my eyelid. I have this problem. I was at work this morning and I rubbed my eye and felt a sharp pain in my eyelid. I opened the photobooth on my computer and studied my eye for a few minutes. I assumed that what was on my eyelid was nothing other than a pimple. Okay, gross, but nothing out of the ordinary – could tots deal with that.

After work I went to pilates and had a lovely stretch class today and went to lunch. When I got to lunch I showed a couple of friends at the table and they said it didn’t look like anything to worry about. When I got back to the studio my roommate said “Oh my god, do you have pinkeye???” This concerned me.

Now my eye is red and my eyelid is pretty swollen. I don’t really know what to do but I definitely don’t have time to go to the Wellness Center until Wednesday. FML.

mr. darcy

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In my Jane Austen lit class we’re just finishing up Pride and Prejudice. I do, and have for all of my life, been absolutely enamored with Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy. I can’t help it. He’s awkward, and proud and has no idea how to socialize with people but once he lets himself open up a little bit he’s just a flood of poetry and honor and honesty and love. I love that he uses the word “bewitched” when describing his feelings for Elizabeth. I just want to be her.

What the hell is my problem? Why do I always desire to be an “Elizabeth” (See. eat pray love)??

Anyway, these last three weeks have been incredibly busy and I haven’t had even enough time to eat or sleep – much less be witty and clever in finding things to send out to the cosmic void.

Sure, Mr. Darcy could, with his 10,000£ a year, get any girl, but he’s more than just a huge estate to Elizabeth and that is why they end up together.

I’m a sucker for a love story. And I need to go to bed because my glands are swollen…I think.

starving.

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This weekend and as this week has begun I’m feeling starved for creativity. It’s like I haven’t recovered from the drive or the wedding enough to start creating again. But I need to. Because I have a rehearsal tomorrow and I need to give my dancer at least another 45 seconds of movement to keep on track for the showing. I’ve been sitting at my job all morning cutting, recutting and again cutting the music I have for the piece but I can’t find the right combination of sounds to just mean what I want it to mean. I really need to get some movement in my body but my knees are bruised and scratched up from last night’s rehearsal and I just want to go to bed!

It’s obvious why I’m having this problem.

I haven’t had Yogurt Tap in a week.

travels

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The last 24 hours have probably been the longest in my entire life. I had classes yesterday and around 7pm I left the ATL, New Jersey bound for my cousins wedding. So many strange things happened along the way.

First of all, we crossed Georgia horizontally and took like 4 hours, which was way too long for me, then we stopped just past Greenville, SC to get a bite to eat around 11. We went to Burger King – a, because it was open and b, because my niece would actually eat something from there. The people that worked there were ridiculous. The woman who took my order rang up half the wrong things, charged 8 dollars too much on my debit card then yelled for her manager that she screwed something up and walked away from the counter while I waited there for five minutes just standing like an idiot. I like my veggie burger the way I like my veggie burger and the girl who was making them for my mom and I asked the girl who screwed up the charge if what she had was correct and the girl goes “I UNNO JUST MAKE IT” Oh, okay.

After that fiasco things were quite calm for a bit. As the night wore on, my contacts grew drier, and my patience wore thin. By 3am I was gripping the wheel, willing myself to stay awake and singing anything and everything upbeat on my mp3 player. All the trucks kind of piled themselves into the right lane so I drove in the left. I kept my brights on because I couldn’t see a damn thing because we were driving through mountain valley’s in North Carolina and Virigina and semi’s kept honking at me and trying to cut me off.

That’s not even the worse part. We finally pull into Virginia (the LONGEST STATE EVER) and THERE ARE MOUNTAINS. We literally drive up and down mountains for something like 3 hours. During this time I kept my brights on because I DIDN’T WANT TO PLUNGE HEAD FIRST OFF THE ALUMINUM RAILING INTO THE BLACK ABYSS OF NIGHT. So a truck driver cuts me off with his semi, then switches lanes, then gets behind me, and follows me all the way up a mountain, at least fifteen minutes, flashing his brights at me the whole time.

I HATE truck drivers. Seriously? I’m in a Civic, I’m like a tenth of your size and I’m trying to SEE going up a fucking mountain. Chill.

By 4:30 I need a powernap. We pull off to a rest stop and my niece and the dog (who have been snoozing this whole time) wake up and start harassing my mom and I as we try to get some shut eye so we can stay awake the rest of the night. I finally get so pissed at the dog stepping all over me that I just drive off after about 15 minutes. I chug coffee and Monster and keep my hands on the wheel.

By 5:30 we finally enter West Virginia, and charge through to Pennsylvania. Here we make good timing up until we pass Harrisburg. The ENTIRITY of I78 is CLOSED OFF for about 8 miles and there are all these signs for detours that in essence led nowhere. We went around in circles trying to follow detour signs for four hours. FOUR HOURS. At this point I was TANGRY as hell. After we found I78 and crossed into New Jersey it was smooth sailing all the way to my aunt’s house. And now I am here. And I need a nap.