your sweatshirt says it all

Two assignments stand between me and the end of my first year of grad school. How scary is that? I’m not 50% of a master of anything!

These last two weeks have been a whirlwind.

An insane, amazing, heartwarming, nerve-wracking mess in the best way possible.

One of my best friends, and roomie for lyfe got ENGAGED! I got to celebrate my soulie’s TWENTY FIRST birthday with her! I’m taking chances I thought I couldn’t take! I’ve spent every night for two weeks surrounded by old friends, new friends, more than friends, best friends, puppy friends, and everything in between. I’ve celebrated birthdays, engagements, dancing, music, and just the enjoyment of the company of the people I adore in my life.

The end of the school year is always hard for me. Or it always has been because the time in my life has been dictated by the passage of time in a school year.

It’s hard because we all have to move forward, and I’m going to miss those who are graduating this year very much as they move on to bigger and better things. I’m watching my sisters grow up and leave the Agnes nest for new adventures. I’m seeing these dancers and choreographers that I’ve gotten so close to move on to dance and research and cultivate themselves as artists away from the only place I’ve known them. I’m seeing one of my best friends having just gotten engaged to the love of her life. I’m giving myself to things that I actually want and even better I’m actually articulating what it is I want.

This post is just a hodge podge of my excitement, and considering the fact that this is my break from brain-stuff and finals, forgive me.

I’m constantly happy and nervous and overwhelmed by everything happening in my life that I want to step back and just look at it but I can’t.

I’m too busy participating.

 

LOVE, B

a year in review

The semester is over, and as such I feel like I’m just a hop, skip, and a jump from 2013. I’m so excited to be spending my new year with some of my favourite people — vacation can’t come soon enough!

I’ve had a hell of a year. I realized this when I mentioned it to someone a couple of days ago: I have been waiting for the year 2012 since about elementary school. My idealistic 9-year old self mathematically figured out that I’d be done with college in 2012 and that that would be the greatest accomplishment of my life (no, my 9-year old self didn’t even have an inkling of the notion of grad school).

So I decided, why not take a look at the last year (mostly in pictures) and relish in what an amazing roller coaster of a year this has been?

Join me?

The year got off to a great start. In January I got back to school, auditioned for grad school, danced in a flash mob, baked like crazy, and had some rough times that the best friends I’ve ever known got me through. The year continued on this fantastic path with February and my birthday being perfect (dancing, Twyla, sangria). This month I rode in my first ambulance, which was terrifying and traumatic, but I can look back on the awkward medic who showed me and Emily his mouth tattoo fondly. Also, doing downward dog in the ER.

My foxy lady sisters received their rings in February. It doesn’t matter how many other red classes or blue classes there are, you guys will always be first in my heart ❤

March rolled around and spring break was an adventure in Atlanta, with making pizza, exploring the city, and doing photo shoots in the park. The last weekend of March, Studio Dance Theatre travelled to the illustrious city of Albany, Georgia for some good ole dancing and horse metaphors. (Sugar cubes, anyone?)

In April I celebrated Bertha’s birthday with some furious scrap booking and I performed in my last ever concert at my undergrad. It was bittersweet. I was so privileged and blessed to have had four years of performing with such dedicated and artistically vital people. This month FLEW by.

May was probably one of the hardest months for me. Not only did I get myself into ridiculous situations that I should have had better sense than to have done, but I graduated from the place I’d known as home for four years.

Graduation always seemed like this elusive far-off dream until it actually happened. I couldn’t have been more joyed than to spend this day with my family, friends, and Agnes Community. The morning of graduation someone told me they’d light some fireworks in my honor, I couldn’t have been happier.

The whole summer was a whirlwind of travelling and exploring the world and figuring out who I am! I wrote about this last month I think so I don’t really need to indulge you anymore on that. I made some mistakes, I did some awesome things, I grew up. (Even though there’s still a lot of that to be done…) If you missed it, check it out in my thanksgiving post!

The final leg of my summer was August — the month to challenge all months. I was in four different time zones, and six different airports over the course of the month. My sisterbear got engaged, I visited Seattle, I bought a car, and I started graduate school. Seriously, I don’t remember being still for more than a few hours over the course of this whole month, and I absolutely loved it.

Lucky for me, September was a month of recuperating and readjusting to the workload of grad school. I spent most of my free time in the library.

October and November blend together in my brain. I was in Atlanta, I was in Orlando, I was at school, and I was at J’s apartment.

I got to see both of my sisterbears this month and  Sandy ruined the family reunion that was meant to happen. I voted for the second time in November and had severe anxiety the entire week before the election, and I was moved and proud of all of the people that got out there and rocked the vote. It was a beautiful display of nationalism for the democracy in which we live.

In Atlanta I was graced with beautiful dancing, in Orlando I was checking out wedding venues for my sisterbear! In any other time I had free I was writing papers and doing all the research in the world. (and hanging out with my BFF Evie)

And now we’re here. December. We’re twelve days in and every day is a new adventure. I’m growing to love the bhum-thai that I am becoming, and I am learning more and more about dance, about the world, about politics, and about the connectedness of human beings.

This blog is a means to connect to human beings. Of course it doesn’t make up for getting out there and talking to people (which, let’s be real, if I get started, I never stop) but it’s a means to share and communicate with those around us (geographically, or on the internet).

Thank you, all: the ones who are here, the ones who have gone, the ones I’ve just met, and the ones that have stuck by my side through everything.

You all have made this year beautiful, and amazing, and sometimes heartbreaking, and most of the time absolutely joyous.

I’m looking forward to the next year of adventuring and seeing the world!

Love, B

giving thanks.

Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer. And let faith be the bridge you build to overcome evil and welcome good.

Today is the one day of the year that all the bitches and hoes out there are supposed to verbalize the things for which they are thankful. When I say “bitches and hoes”, what I mean is all of the people in the Uni-verse that I love and care for deeply.

I’m thankful for so many things. I try to express my gratitude regularly, but this morning I decided to write down a list of specific things that I’m thankful for.

I am thankful for…
— My friends, family, and everyone I’m lucky enough to interact with on a day-to-day basis, as always.
— The looks on marta when bertha and I are thinking the exact same thing.
— Singing in the Celine Dion voice with Emily
— Spaghetti squash, and all other fall gourds
— Having the greatest mentor on the planet!

— I am thankful for bethel.
— Trash bags full of ice while laying on my living room floor listening to Temper Trap
— All the beautiful dance that exists in the universe
— The universe
— All the opportunities that will come for me in the future, because even when it’s not exactly what I think I want, it’s always exactly right.

 

I love you all, today and always,

Love, B

alive.

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

I just thought that that was something lovely, and wanted to share. Today marks the end of the first full week of classes. I am sore, but the end of the week, my “Friday” persay, was concluded by an amazing concert with Matt Nathanson, Maroon 5, and Train. You can imagine the overwhelming awe that I was feeling all. evening. long. Matt was hilarious, Maroon 5 was great, and Train was…a whole other show in itself. After the show, Ankush and I got to meet Matt, and it was uh-mazing. He was absolutely adorable.

On another note, the first full week of classes was interesting. It was overwhelming, definitely, but I’m excited for the year. And now I’ve kind of got my work cut out for me. I’ve got to keep myself on top of my shit or it will be a disaster, and I’m okay with that.

I’m lucky and don’t have any Friday classes, so today I want to work work work so that I can enjoy this weekend!

love, B

appreciation

“Travel only with thy equals or thy betters; if there are none, travel alone.”

– The Dhammapada

 

This week was the first week of my last fall semester of undergrad. WHAT?!?! The funny thing is, though, that it’s been a whirlwind of absolute joy. I’m starting a job that I absolutely love doing, I was offered an internship for credit toward my major, both senior projects I’m working on are absolutely. without doubt. exactly. what I want to do. I’m also figuring out who my friends really are, and what kind of bond has been formed over the last three years, going on a fourth, with some of the other beautiful, intellectual, women at my college. At times, I just can’t believe how lucky I am to have not only experienced the wonderful summer that I did, growing creatively and becoming so refreshed that I’m practically glowing (according to one of my professors), but to also feel so ready for my senior year. How many people give in to senioritis before the year only starts? I don’t want to do that. I want to have the most amazing year ever…and for me that doesn’t only involve spending time with my friends, it involves achieving and pushing myself farther.

 

Here’s to a wonderful year!

 

Love, B

photo

I wasn’t able to post any pictures while I was abroad because I was working from an ipod and couldn’t get my photos onto my ipod to post. That being said, I wanted to share some on this blog, so every now and again look out for a photo or two and a short story about my adventure.

I’m back in Atlanta now, but I feel different. I’ve been feeling different ever since I got back to the states just three weeks ago. Maybe different isn’t the right word. Maybe the word is better. Better than what, though? I don’t even remember. I’m happy to be here though, happy to be starting school, happy to get to impact my dancing and my writing with all the things I’ve learned.

On writing, I’ve learned this:

The purpose of poetry is to remind us how difficult it is to remain just one person, for our house is open, there are no keys in the doors, and invisible guests come in and out at will.

black cat.

It’s been a minute since I’ve had a chance to update. I go to a Women’s College, for those who didn’t know. We have some crazy traditions – you get thrown in a pond if you get engaged, you’re not allowed to walk on the grass, you get your class ring your sophomore year – but nothing is crazier than what commences once a year and lasts a week. (And don’t get me wrong – I say crazy with the utmost affection)

Every year we have Black Cat Week. Our mascot is not a black cat, in case that was your next question. This week is filled with class parties, trivia night, decorating the campus in our class colors, dancing around a bonfire, coming up with and performing songs and dances about our class and finally ends, on Saturday night, with formal. In many ways it’s like homecoming week, but it’s just so much more than homecoming.

Perhaps some contextual background would help. Years ago there was hazing going on between the upper classes and the first years. A nurse, or maybe a professor, I’m not sure, decided to create a friendly competition between the classes. The class who won would have her black cat to live on their resident hall for the rest of the year. Exciting huh? Well, it’s really grown and changed over the years and it is now something much more than it’s beginnings.

On Sunday at midnight all the classes rush the quad and cover the grass (completely sacrilegious) and the student center in our class color decorations. The next few nights, each class throws a party in the dining hall, showing their school and class spirit. There are activities such as trivia night, field day and the biggest of them all Junior Production. The junior class is made to put on a huge play about the traditions and classes and this happens on Friday night, with the presentation of class songs and class dances. It’s amazing.

But I’m forgetting the most important part – there are points. Each class is graded on their participation and execution and the winning class gets MAJOR bragging rights. And well, that’s just fabulous.

travel channel.

I harbor an incredible amount of love the the Travel Channel and I really can’t help myself. It’s an addiction and I can’t seem to get myself away from it. I didn’t have cable for much of the summer so I suffered from some withdrawal symptoms like obsessively checking the travel channel website to see if they had any information that could give me my fix.

Hah. What a freak.

Anyway, since I’ve come back to school I’ve been watching the travel channel again. Today I got sucked into a marathon of Man vs. Food. I used to be grossed out by this show but one day I started watching it and I wasn’t able to stop. There’s something about a man shoveling a stack of 13 inch pancakes in his mouth that drew me in. Anyway, today I got caught up in watching.

I could never be a competitive eater. Oh hell no. You know what would happen? I would start one of these challenges, my body would reject what I was giving it and I’d vom. All over the place. Not exactly MVF worthy – but charming in it’s own manner. I watched Adam shovel omelette, burrito, fiery hot wings and pancakes into his gluttonous jaws and I felt my eyes growing wide. I turned to Ankush and said, I’m hungry.

He asked me what I wanted to eat and then I snapped back into reality. Are you joking? We just ate like two hours ago. I’m not actually hungry I’m just being sucked into American Consumerism and by watching this my brain is trying to convince me that I want to eat.

He laughed at me and we went back to our semi-coma in front of the television.

For those unfamiliar with MVF, check out the video on my vodpod in the sidebar!

classes.

Today was the first day of my Junior year of college and I started off the morning strong. I popped out of bed at 7:30am, made tea and waffles and was out the door by 8:40am. I took the brief walk to campus and arrived at my work study job before any of the professors and sat down at the desk. I waited around and one by one professors arrived and I just sat at the desk staring at the wall. People came in and out to chat with me and professors and I got an email about a job offer I’d been waiting for.

I went to my first class of the day, pilates, and met up with a friend and then had lunch with her. I then went to see a visiting professor I’d been anxiously waiting the arrival of and he invited me to sit in on his class anytime (HORRAY!). It was then that my day took a turn.

I went to ballet and I began to feel chills. I brushed it off and then went back to work. At work I felt like I had swallowed a cactus whole and I was freezing cold. I went back to the studio and went to my modern class, where I felt even worse.

Made it through my meeting and back to my apartment, and here I am.

Dammit. And I was so enthusiastic about today!!!!!!

happiness.

is not, by the way, a warm gun. It will henceforth be referred to as Yogurt Tap. I cannot express to you what kind of happiness Yogurt Tap brings me. The degree to which I feel happiness is so immense that I feel so inclined to refer to it as happiness itself, as though it is the actual feeling and emotion solidified before me.

Today, I went to Yogurt Tap for the first time since June and I almost died, ambushed with happiness, spoon in hand. Inside my white cup was a mix of strawberry, key lime and raspberry yogurt all soft and smooth and mixed together like white on rice with each other. The strawberries on top mixed with the long strands of sweet coconut and joined in the melty goodness.

The tantalizing tartness of the yogurt against the slippery sweetness of the fruit was almost too much for me to handle. I felt it melt on my tongue, slide down my throat and then make its final descent into my stomach and I heaved a sigh. I had been waiting for this.

From the gray, cement floors, to the blue, exposed pipe ceilings, I can’t express my love for this place and the delightful treat they provide me with words of this earth. I may have to call upon the divine…

Or I may have to return tomorrow.